


Local Cryptid Scares Shopkeeper

by Gale_Breeze



Category: The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-19
Updated: 2021-01-19
Packaged: 2021-03-17 16:29:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,559
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28852089
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gale_Breeze/pseuds/Gale_Breeze
Summary: Amira is very tired and it's all the local oddball's fault.
Relationships: amira/being scared of link, link/being weird, zelda/science
Comments: 4
Kudos: 48





	Local Cryptid Scares Shopkeeper

The new kid in town is sort of fucking terrifying, if Amira stops to think about it.

About a week ago, a traveler blows into town on a fuck-off huge horse, casually hands over some kind of insane magical flame spear to the gate guard, and then bolts right for the creepy old lab on top of the hill. There's silence for about an hour, and then the kid sprints back out like he's being chased by Calamity itself before going to harass that Bolson guy.

Then three days later, the Bolson Construction guys say that they can't get rid of that old building on the edge of town because the traveler bought it. Just straight up bought it. "Wasn't it fifty thousand for you to demolish it?" somebody asks at the Ton Pu Inn. 

"It was, and I woke up to see the kid dumping twice that amount in my damn room as I slept," Bolson replies casually. Everybody just silently tries to walk past the fact that the kid had broken into Bolson's home not to rob him, but to make him richer than everyone in town.

The two girls who hunt for truffles outside town begin to report that monsters no longer exist around Hateno. No matter how many times the Blood Moon rises, the monsters just... Immediately clear out. They just leave. That's not something that monsters do, but apparently the new kid is just that fucking scary because a single look sends them scattering like children who just saw something scary.

And then he just vanishes. For a month.

When he comes back, it's wearing the corpse of a fucking Guardian. He then says nothing, dumps twenty _(20!!!)_ wholeass fucking diamonds onto East Wind's counter, and empties the shop of everything by sucking it into the slate on his hip. "What kind of food do you think royalty might like?" he asks, like this is a normal fucking situation and not the wildest fucking thing to ever happen to Amira in her entire life. "It's important."

Amira is so lost that she just circles through confused terror and into bland acceptance. "Make them a wildberry crepe," she suggests, because wildberries are delicious. The kid nods slowly, like he was just told the ultimate secret to defeating Calamity Ganon, and walks out of East Wind. Amira looks down at the stack of wholeass fucking diamonds on her counter. She's not sure what just happened.

The next day, she watches as the kid walks up to Bolson, forcibly fills the man's arms with ten diamonds, and then say: "I would like a bed and a door please." And then he immediately dissolves into an array of mystical blue ribbons. The way his face rips apart like it's made of fabric is haunting, and Amira doesn't sleep for a few days.

About a... Week? Later? Amira is so fucking scared of this child that she has lost track of time. Some time later, the kid shows up again. With a fucking Lynel Blade on his back. Not to use, to show off to a small child. Because the child promised to give him a frog. Which the terrifying stranger proceeds to eat with his bare hands. Nikki later tells her that the kid went and shoved another diamond into Bolson's hands and asked for flowers outside his house.

Cool. Fine. Amira can respect flowers. She doesn't even fucking KNOW anymore.

Some time later - do not fucking ask Amira how long, she is so tired of this horrifying monster child, the kid wanders back into East Wind trying to disguise himself as a Gerudo. This despite the fact he is neither six feet tall or muscular. "I tried to make the wildberry crepe. It went well," he informs her, like this is a Vital Thing That Amira Needs To Know. Then he dumps another stack of diamonds on the counter and empties the shop. Again. "Do you think I should make her a risotto?"

"Sure," Amira says Very Tiredly as she stares at the ten diamonds, wondering how the fuck her life got to a point where she owned thirty (30!!!! This was worth so many rupees!!!!) diamonds. The kid wanders outside, and Amira hears the kid asking Bolson to install a sign in front of his new house.

Another week. There's a loud screaming sound from the sky, followed by the sound of rattling chains. Then a dozen pieces of finely chopped wood fall from the sky and into the street, followed by the kid wielding a blade that looks like it's made out of a Guardian's beam laser. He immediately beelines for the creepy lab on top of the hill. About ten minutes later, the kid reappears next to the old shrine via turning into horrible blue ribbons, and goes to bother Bolson for weapon mounts in his house.

Nikki claims to see the kid summon a fucking tornado under his feet and lift off into the sky like a Rito. At this point, Amira believes it. A whole month passes, and the town is so quiet that Amira dares to dream that maybe the kid wasn't real after all. Maybe it was just some kind of shared delusion they all had.

(As an aside, the house is now complete. One of the Bolson team leaves for a while, and then comes back to visit Hateno a month later with a fucking Gerudo tailor for a wife. Amira has no proof. None. Not a fucking scrap. But she _knows,_ deep in her soul, that this is somehow the work of that terrifying child who keeps haunting Hateno Village.)

One day, he kid comes back. He looks like an actual person now instead of a crazy animal given human form. He's wearing a green tunic and hat, and there's an ornate sword with a purple hilt on his back. He looks like a legendary hero. Amira remembers the times that Uma would tell stories her parents had told her, of the Hylian Champion who wielded the Sword Of Evil's Bane. The kid... The kid looks like that hero.

Of course he then ruins that image because he spends the next week turning into horrifying blue ribbons and cooking meat skewers at every hour of the day, and Amira doesn't think that he stops to so much as breath. The next time he wanders into her shop, ready to dump an armful of diamonds onto the counter, she asks. She has to ask, right?

"Kid, why are you doing this?" She doesn't explain what she means by 'this'. Mostly because she herself doesn't quite know.

The kid looks at her. Ruminates for a minute. Dumps ten diamonds on her counter. Empties the shop. "I want to eat a frog properly again," he says mournfully. "It's not the same these days." Then he eats one of the endura shrooms he just bought and sadly walks out the door. Amira feels like she's learned less than nothing.

The next day, it feels like the world is ending. Amira clutches her family tight as the sky bleeds Red and the world howls like the Calamity is upon them, and she hopes that the kid is safe - he's a fucking weirdo but he's still a kid.

A week passes in wild celebration, because apparently the Calamity is just straight up gone. Then, almost like she can sense it, she watches the kid ride into town. He looks like shit, frankly. The horse he's riding is huge - black with a wild red mane. It looks so fed up, which wasn't an expression that Amira thought a horse could make. And against the kid's chest is something... White. For a moment, Amira forgets how to breath.

It's a girl. A girl with blonde hair, wearing the most beautiful white dress that Amira has ever seen, resting against the chest of this terrifying mongrel child. The girl looks gorgeous in the way that Amira guesses the old royalty must have been, like an ephemeral beauty that will only be seen once in a thousand lifetimes.

The kid grabs the girl off the horse, and gently carries her inside his house. It is, Amira realizes in that sort of way that only happens when you've been very stupid and only just now understand something, a very beautiful house. Big one, too. Amira wonders, suddenly, if the sudden bout of looking like a human was less because the kid wanted to look normal but because he wanted to marry somebody.

For a fleeting moment, Amira hopes that this strange girl will bring some sanity to her new husband's life. That the terrifying antics of the strange boy will be dialed back, and that perhaps Amira's sanity can be given time to recover.

The next day, the girl wanders into East Wind and casually dumps twenty sapphires onto the counter before lifting up her skirt like a makeshift basket and hauling everything in the store into it. Except the bomb arrows. Those, she coos at and starts mumbling about 'powder ratios' to herself before letting out an unstable giggle and throwing those into her skirt as well before running outside.

Amira realizes that there are two of these horrible children and contemplates moving to Lurelin Village before the two nightmare children manage to procreate and recreate the Calamity. 


End file.
